8:34am Wednesday
Saint Paul
Someone asked:
> What are some strategies for persuading someone
> with differing opinions who is not open to listening
> to our perspective?
Before you can persuade someone, which should be to their benefit (otherwise it’s manipulation), he or she must have an open mind. If you can’t get there, nothing will work.
*|FNAME|*, persuading people is not easy. You have to set up a situation where they’re willing to question their own entrenched ideas, which means they may come to the conclusion that they’ve been wrong about this idea for however long.
And—as no one wants to be wrong, possibly shifting their entire world view—they’d rather fight than see the light.
So you can’t persuade them as much as you can give them the opportunity and ideas to persuade themselves.
Now, to open someone’s mind to a new way to see the world, you have a few options…
• You can paraphrase their points and confirm that you got them right. When he feels like you’ve heard him, he becomes less argumentative. Pace (aka match) them, and then you can lead them.
• You can agree with her. When you agree, the other person becomes less defensive. You don’t have to agree with her perspective though. Instead, you can take a higher view and agree there is a problem, and once she also agrees there is a problem, you can offer your solution or perspective. Scott Adams calls this the “High Ground Maneuver.”
• You can tell a story. He can’t argue with the events and outcome of a story if it really happened to someone.
• You can become more radical with her perspective and take it to the logical absurdity in a way that weakens their belief. For example, if she argues for free healthcare, agree that free healthcare should be a right for everyone and that we should double taxes and the workweek to make it a reality. And more! If he argues we should not have free healthcare, agree that paying for our own healthcare makes sense and that we should eliminate insurance companies and let doctors set their own rates, especially in the ER where their time is in demand. Jim Camp calls this the “Emotional Pendulum” and the act of becoming more negative is a “Negative Stripline.” It may also be called “Agree and Amplify”—though that’s often to deflect an attack on you, personally.
• You can imply or demonstrate that one of her in-groups does things a certain way, increasing the likelihood she will conform to that group’s ideas, behavior, and identity.
These aren’t all your options.
But they are a few you can try out.
On your end, when you try to persuade someone, always ask yourself:
• Is this to his benefit, or to my own?
• Am I willing to appear to be incorrect to get the desired outcome?
• Or do I want to appear to be right—even if I don’t accomplish my goal to persuade?
If you’re fighting to be right, you may be attempting to persuade others for the wrong reasons.
But if your ideas are potentially helpful and valuable to the other person—maybe you sell face lotion or a book on meditation or whatever—then these are a few strategies than can persuade people to see things your way.
These, of course, work well in a live situation.
Know what else?
Ongoing communication to make your case, giving him or her the opportunity to think about your ideas over a span of time.
That idea—and many others—work better in writing.
And that’s the power of copywriting, by the way:
Creating a new way to see things, supported with evidence and stories and in-group behaviors, often hinging on a new mechanism (aka a different solution to, or reason for, a problem than the one they had originally believed.)
When it’s done right, copy is powerful.
Want me to write for you? Reply now and I can put you on my waiting list.
Good luck out there,
Jeffrey
P.S. Yesterday’s podiatrist appointment went fine. More x-rays but no solutions. Looks like daughter ‘o mine has a Stress Reaction in her big toe, nothing fractured after all. Boot stays.
After, we got ice cream.