Tag: pacing and leading

The Best Way to ‘Pace and Lead’ (that I’ve found)

11:35am
Saint Paul

I wrote about this on Twitter this morning but I thought you might like a bit more.

From the outside, “persuasion” is often seen as trying to get someone to do something against his own interests.

That’s not persuasion. That’s manipulation.

In reality, persuasion is highlighting why an idea (or product or service) is in someone’s interests.

And because most people are resistant to new ideas, they’re unlikely to be persuaded by your arguments or data.

Instead, he has his own set of arguments and data.

And he’d much prefer if you joined his “side” — because then his worldview isn’t challenged.

So how can you get people to hear your ideas?

Continue reading “The Best Way to ‘Pace and Lead’ (that I’ve found)”

How to Agree Even When You Don’t Agree

Almost any discussion breaks down when one side stops listening to the other side.

Which is to say, almost every discussion.

You have points that you want to make and obviously the other side doesn’t have their facts straight. Because if they did, they wouldn’t be on the other side.

Continue reading “How to Agree Even When You Don’t Agree”

10 Things You’ll Learn from “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss

I’m always in the lookout for new books of interest. I tend to buy far more than I have time to read, and it ensures I always have something cooking in my brain.

List subscriber Philippe wrote in a month ago to suggest Chris Voss’ Never Split the Difference. Philippe said it might be the best book on persuasion that he had read. I bought it… and immediately moved it to the top of my pile.

Is this the best book on persuasion I've ever read? It just might be…
Is this the best book on persuasion I’ve ever read? It just might be…

Continue reading “10 Things You’ll Learn from “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss”

Two Wrongs Make a Right

This morning my kids were arguing about Friday’s plans with Grandma.

The older sister was trying to tell the younger brother Friday’s plan, and he was arguing back with his understanding of the plan.

“No! On Friday you’re going…”

“No!”

Thing is… neither was correct!

And that didn’t matter, because the plans are still up in the air anyways.

On the way to school I like to discuss ideas of self-improvement with my kids. Continue reading “Two Wrongs Make a Right”

“Verbal Judo” and 10 Things You’ll Learn from George J. Thompson

People hardly ever say what they mean. Most people are driven by emotions, especially in highly-charged circumstances. Their words reflect those emotions, even if they act otherwise.

The kid (or coworker) that grumbles throughout a task — is still doing that task (even though she’s not framing it in a positive way).

"Verbal Judo" teaches you to redirect verbal aggression as a Professional
“Verbal Judo” teaches you to redirect verbal aggression as a Professional

The spouse, during an argument, who throws out the incorrect idea that Continue reading ““Verbal Judo” and 10 Things You’ll Learn from George J. Thompson”

10 Things You’ll Learn in “Win Bigly” by Scott Adams

Way back in 2012, my wife and I traveled by Amtrak train to Chicago to visit some friends. Between card games in the bar car and beautiful scenery out the window, I read a book about Negotiation.

I was interested in making more money. I wasn’t sure how to ask or even if I was in the right profession. Continue reading “10 Things You’ll Learn in “Win Bigly” by Scott Adams”

10 Things I Learned from “The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive” by Patrick Lencioni

My interest in Persuasion and getting people moving, getting them working and improving, overlaps with business and leadership.

I follow a number of successful entrepreneurs on Twitter. Many of them know that reality is flexible, that we create (and live by) our own limits.

Image "Put your hands up in the air" by Thomas Leuthard, Flickr, CC-By-2.0
Image “Put your hands up in the air” by Thomas Leuthard, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

Inspiring people to push past those self-inflicted limits is one view of Persuasion, and important for any self-starter like yourself.

Another aspect of persuasion, especially in larger businesses, is change management. Continue reading “10 Things I Learned from “The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive” by Patrick Lencioni”

How to Win at the Thanksgiving Table

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends with PRL!

This Thanksgiving you’re certain to find yourself in a conversation about politics.

Trust me! This is a toxic conversation that you do not want to be a part of.

As Dale Carnegie teaches us,

The Only Way to Get the Best of an Argument is to Avoid It!

If you cannot avoid an argument, I encourage you to ask questions of the other people. Listen and ask questions. Work to understand their positions, with your questions leading people to a high ground position where everyone agrees.

  • Yes, these scandals are horrible. No one deserves to be treated like this, don’t you agree?
  • Yes, the President does say some provocative things. Does it help him keep the conversation focused where he wants?

If you’re unable to bring the conversation to a higher level, you risk telling someone they’re wrong.

Never tell someone they’re wrong!

They’ll fall back into a defensive position, justify everything they’ve said, and point the finger back at you to tell you why you’re wrong.

Instead, do your best to paraphrase the words of the other, in a sincere attempt to understand them. Let them talk themselves out for a while. They might want to be heard, might want to be right. You’re not going to change it over the weekend.

And then remind everyone that you’re thankful that you’re all family, that you want to enjoy the weekend together, and that politics could spoil everything so let’s talk about something else.

No one wants to spoil the party. Give them an out from the toxic conversation, and move on.

I recorded a short (5 minute) video discussing these ideas, you can see it here:

Screenshot_20171121_124607

If you think this will be helpful for others that you know, please feel free to share this with your friends and family!

Thanks PRL readers, and enjoy your Thanksgiving Holiday!

—Jeffrey



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