11:35am
Saint Paul
I wrote about this on Twitter this morning but I thought you might like a bit more.
From the outside, “persuasion” is often seen as trying to get someone to do something against his own interests.
That’s not persuasion. That’s manipulation.
In reality, persuasion is highlighting why an idea (or product or service) is in someone’s interests.
And because most people are resistant to new ideas, they’re unlikely to be persuaded by your arguments or data.
Instead, he has his own set of arguments and data.
And he’d much prefer if you joined his “side” — because then his worldview isn’t challenged.
So how can you get people to hear your ideas?
“Pacing and Leading” is the solution you’ve been looking for.
But in the middle of a tense conversation it’s not so fun.
Because to “pace” someone means you have to restate his argument in a cohesive way.
And just like your conversation partner, you’re resisting that “other” idea because it’s so obviously wrong to you.
Until your conversation partner believes that you understand his points, however, he’s going to keep repeating them.
And remain closed to your points.
So you have to “pace” him so he feels safe and feels heard.
That’s how you get on the same page.
Only when you hear “that’s right” are you on the path.
If he says, “you’re right…” it means he’s given up.
That doesn’t mean you’ve won. It means the conversation is ending, possibly with shame. Which will rarely work in your favor.
If your goal is to get people on board, they want to be heard as a valued person, not told what to do (and begrudgingly agree that you’re right).
“That’s right” is what you’re aiming for.
And you can get to “That’s Right” with “It seems…”
Using “It seems…” you are paraphrasing your partner’s points, without necessarily agreeing to them.
And only when he’s been heard…
…can you then work to find common ground…
…and then you can “expand the frame” with additional data…
…to then “lead” someone to a different conclusion based on the new concepts you introduced.
Of course, he doesn’t have to agree with your conclusion.
But until he feels like his own conclusion is at least heard, he won’t be willing to listen.
Be well,
Jeffrey