8:51am
Saint Paul, Minn
My son Sam has been taking piano lessons for two years.
And at this point, he’s just OK.
He doesn’t hardly practice, which is evident—and embarrassing—when we go to his lesson.
And when we can get him to practice, he’ll ask after each song or scale,
“Was that good?”
There is no right answer.
Generally, no it wasn’t good. He isn’t counting his beats, so the rhythm is wrong.
But if we point it out, we’re playing with fire.
He’ll break down in anger. Throw books. Slam the piano keys.
So, should you give feedback when someone asks for it?
What if they become angry or defensive when you give them the feedback they asked for?
Here’s my take.
Most people don’t really want feedback.
They don’t want to draw attention to their failures.
Instead, they generally want praise and confirmation of their efforts or opinion.
So to avoid an argument with this person, you have a few options.
You can start with honest praise and appreciation for her efforts, and then ask (confirm) if she is open to a suggestion to improve one aspect or another of her efforts.
Or you can start with criticizing your own self and your own mistakes, in a story perhaps, in a way that highlights your feedback and suggestions without directly pointing to that person’s mistakes. Then, either let him draw his own conclusion, or you can make it more obvious by saying how this story relates to his situation.
One more option is to refuse to give feedback. Point to previous examples of this person asking for feedback and how she reacted when you gave it. Then, maybe, the other person is aware of their behavior and willing to hear what you have to say.
Feedback is key to improvement and growth. But if the recipient isn’t really open to it, you’ll just strain your relationships.
Last week I gave a (pre-recorded) presentation at the Agorapulse Social Pulse Summit: Retail Edition, an online marketing conference.
(And at the end, I asked for feedback—because I genuinely want it!)
I presented on Eugene Schwartz’ Five Levels of Customer Awareness and Five Levels of Market Sophistication, and how to use that info to grow your social media account.
The session is titled, “Grow or Sell: Targeting The Right Audience On Social Media.”
And if you’re a marketer, it may have some useful information for you.
Register here to watch this session for free as my guest (before they pull it down):
Have a blessed day.