Category: Opinion

Better Sales with Stephen R. Moore
(Persuasion Play Podcast 001)

Stephen R. Moore sat patiently across from me while I fidgeted with my mobile phone. I didn’t know how my first podcast was going to turn out. I was trying to keep my nerves under control, play it cool, and not waste his time.

Stephen is a leadership and sales coach, helping corporate clients in the car industry get better customer satisfaction and results. His cooperative, Leadership3P, pulls in over $600,000 every year.

His time is valuable, to say the least.

We were already off to a rough start. My plan to

The Uplifter was an inspiring first podcast. I am eternally grateful!

meet in a quiet library didn’t work out due to a national holiday (A sincere thank you to all of our nation’s military veterans for your service).

I hadn’t made a backup plan. In my scramble to find a new location, I chose what must have been the loudest coffee shop in miles. (more…)
Why she isn’t wrong (and you are, you jerk)

“Don’t do that!”

“Don’t accept that excuse! It’s not true!”

“Don’t coddle her!”

Have you heard any of those before?

I’ve heard these and similar arguments come out of my own mouth more than once. I’ve heard them from other parents, from coworkers, from my own family. We all have.

Have they ever worked to solve your problem?

You angry? Photo “CL Society 218: Crossing arms” by Francisco Osorio, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

Monday night was no exception. After a rough swimming lesson, my daughter refused to behave during a quick stop at the store. (more…)
How to Win at the Thanksgiving Table
Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends with PRL!

This Thanksgiving you’re certain to find yourself in a conversation about politics.

Trust me! This is a toxic conversation that you do not want to be a part of.

As Dale Carnegie teaches us,

The Only Way to Get the Best of an Argument is to Avoid It!

If you cannot avoid an argument, I encourage you to ask questions of the other people. Listen and ask questions. Work to understand their positions, with your questions leading people to a high ground position where everyone agrees.
- Yes, these scandals are horrible. No one deserves to be treated like this, don’t you agree?
- Yes, the President does say some provocative things. Does it help him keep the conversation focused where he wants?
If you’re unable to bring the conversation to a higher level, you risk telling someone they’re wrong.

Never tell someone they’re wrong!

They’ll fall back into a defensive position, justify everything they’ve said, and point the finger back at you to tell you why you’re wrong.

Instead, do your best to paraphrase the words of the other, in a sincere attempt to understand them. Let them talk themselves out for a while. They might want to be heard, might want to be right. You’re not going to change it over the weekend.

And then remind everyone that you’re thankful that you’re all family, that you want to enjoy the weekend together, and that politics could spoil everything so let’s talk about something else.

No one wants to spoil the party. Give them an out from the toxic conversation, and move on.

I recorded a short (5 minute) video discussing these ideas, you can see it here:

If you think this will be helpful for others that you know, please feel free to share this with your friends and family!

Thanks PRL readers, and enjoy your Thanksgiving Holiday!

—Jeffrey

Click Here to Join the Free PRL email list now
Never Expect Perfection

Communication is hard.

We have to find the right words to express our idea in a way that the other person can decode and understand in their own brains.

This is what you asked me to do, right? “Oysterman, FSA” photograph by Russell Lee, public domain, 1938

Translating our ideas to others is hard. Their own perspectives color their understanding.

I’ve been learning this a lot lately. (more…)
Dinner in an Instant

Dinner was going to be late again. The dream of perfect 10 minute enchiladas, sizzling and gooey and crunchy, was only a dream. Much like the other late meals I had been making.

“Layers” by Robert Couse-Baker. Flickr, CC-By-2.0

Hoping to improve our weeknight cooking game, my wife and I had picked up an Instant Pot.

We were still learning how to use it. Instant, apparently, (more…)
Building Rapport for Fun and Profit

Mirroring behavior helps build rapport. Image “our bench days” by phlubdr, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

We choose help people that we like, people that make us happy.

We like people that are similar to ourselves. People that remind us of our best attributes.

Therefor, if we want to be persuasive, we must be likable.

As humans, we mirror one another’s behavior. We reciprocate emotions and we reciprocate favors.

To be persuasive, you (more…)
Creating Your Happiness

You probably already know how easily life flows when you’re happy. Would you be surprised to know that some people choose happiness? You might even know someone who chooses unhappiness. It’s a lot easier. For the people around them, however, their constant complaining is draining.

Image “Put your hands up in the air” by Thomas Leuthard, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

Yep, it’s a choice to be happy. It’s not always easy.

We don’t get to choose what happens in the world.

We do get to choose our reactions. As the Tao Te Ching puts it: (more…)
Living with Happiness

The Secret calls it Living in Bliss.

Tony Robins calls it Living in a Beautiful State.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls it the Flow.

Lao Tzu wrote about Tao, the Way of the Universe, in the 4th century BCE.

Whatever name you give it, when you are happy your life is much better. Time disappears. Everything seems easier.

I have the Chinese character of Tao hanging on my wall among the photos that make me happy.

Imagine a pleasant summer morning. The world seems a bit lazier today. You hear the birds singing as you make your way to work. The sunlight warms your head. You hear your favorite song just before you arrive. Your smile is mirrored back to you by a coworker.

You know it’s going to be a great day. Confirmation bias will help to ensure it. (more…)
Three Types of Liking: People Liking Consumables (Part 3)

You like things? I like things! It’s hard not to, am I right?

Liking others, and being likable, is essential in the art of persuasion. People don’t help or support those they dislike.

Photo “CL Society 218: Crossing arms” by Francisco Osorio, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

But what if the things that someone likes aren’t capable of reciprocating that affection? They’ll forever support that, too.

People will dismiss an opportunity for improvement or learning if it means they might have to question their behavior… or their access to a favorite treat.

I could never eat healthy — I like cookies too much!

I love my morning Frappachino!*

Well, I don’t smoke that much.

This represents the most insidious of all the Liking: Consumables. Food, soda, beer, drugs.

*It’s 2017 — is Frappachino still a thing? (more…)
Three Types of Liking: People Liking Brands (Part 2)

I decided long ago that I like Coca Cola products.

First, I enjoyed the flavor of Coke. That sweet, sweet fizz… Soon I “liked” everything the company produced. I advocated for Coca-Cola products of all varieties, even the ones I didn’t drink!

“Coca-Cola Glass Waiter in Background” by Kevin James, Flickr, CC-By-2.0

By extension, I decided I didn’t like Coke’s rivals. I avoided them, to match my new public identity.

Cognitive science has demonstrated that once someone publicly announces a position on a topic, that person rarely changes his mind. Any new evidence or challenge against that believe will backfire, causing the believer to dig in deeper.

Think about it — how many arguments have you really won? People almost never change their minds! (more…)